I'm starting to get a little whelmed...
Okay... not overwhelmed, just whelmed. Things are starting to pile up. I'm thinking that I need to increase my hours at work and not for the insurance (which we are thinking about cancelling because it is crap) but because in the last year, I have never been so BROKE!!! And I guess I'm not broke, but I don't have the fredom to buy what I want anymore. I think if I really start applying myself, I can worm a few more hours in there. I just haven't read anything yet and that's what starting to pile up. I take great notes during class and I pay attention. And I think I'm getting an A in most of my classes this semester. So far.
But I need a haircut. And I got the last weekend off in September to go to a wedding and there's the weekend in October I'm going to Kansas City for the weekend. John's going to be on vacation that week. And I'm having to sacrifice time to study in order to clean my house. That worries me because I know it's not going to get any better.

Hooray for Barney!!!!
I am realizing that I spend an extrordinary amount of time blogging about BB7, but right now that show is the one I watch the most. And look at blogs about. And get text messages for. So once again for everyone who did not understand the first time: This house is full of Stupid People!!!!! They are just now catching on to Woogie?!?!? I don't get it. Will must make millions of dollars talking people into procedures they don't need. But last night's episoe was really funny because Neil Patrick Harris was on. (Barney from How I Met Your Mother) And it was really funny while he was on. Then Danielle went on one of her drunken devil rants and it got weird. These people in the BB7 house are going a little insane.
But on to the important business... the annoying lady next to me moved!!!! Yeah! Now we just have one more person to get rid of, who's completely clueless that we want her gone. Maybe now that her friend left, she'll leave too. Then there will be peace and tranquility at our table.

Yada, Yada, Yada...
Dear God in heaven, I am so sick of stupid people. In my life, at work, in my classes, even on BB7. I am sooooo sick of stupid people. I am having to do a family assessment for school. Now, if I assessed everyone that I consider family, I'd be writing until next week. And the damn thing is due in like 12 hours. Can I just tell them that my family just puts the fun in dysfunctional??? Because we do. Also my sweet loving little brother puts the "fu" in fun, so we are a very happy family. I called my brother to ask him some questions about his wife and him, because to tell everyone the truth, I didn't even know how old she is. So I sure as hell did not know things like personal medical history. But let me share this....
My SIL has an appointment with one of her many doctors to find out if she can have children in a few months. If she can't, she says they're going to adopt. Okay, you've had how many organs removed and your kidneys fail every other month and you actually think that a judge, some social workers and a knocked-up teenager are going to give you a baby? Denial isn't just a river in Egypt, is it? This comes from the same woman who once said, "Education isn't everything, sweetie." Not only did she say it, but she was completely rude and condescending while doing so. Because I am working my ass off right now in order to make a better life for me and my family. So I think that yeah, education is really important. My kids are going to college. I have a couple that are acceptable for them to choose from and I will pay for it if I have to work until I am 75 years old to do so. But my children will ALL have college degrees. (That is, my children in the future. Because I don't have them yet.)
Also I have to deal with the same stupid people in my class. I went back to school on Wednesday of last week after a 4 day weekend. We had to work in groups of five. Which is fine except that the five people who were leftover had to work together and I was one of those five people. So was the lady with the nest hair. We had a group consensus on an answer. Then she's like "Are you sure that's complete enough. I think there should be more to it." Then on things we weren't sure about she kept wanting to add stuff. I finally had to tell her that we weren't sure and we weren't going to add info to the answer just to make it longer and add something incorrect and get it wrong. Better to be vague and right than to pontificate and be wrong.
Then I got to hear all about the rumors flying around about me at the village (my reference to where I work). I apparently, now run a prostitution ring while I sell narcotics on the side. There is also some forgeries with my bad checks in the past. Getting questioned by the cops turns into some crap. Let me set the record straight: (and I really don't know what I can say legally and what I can't, but I have to vent and verballize my feelings somewhere) I got taken from my workplace to be questioned over the missing narcs at my workplace. They found the narcs at someone's house, but they aren't satisfied with the cups of pills, needles, and cards with resident's names on it. The person that they arrested for the theft is apperently saying that I stole narcotics also. Hence the questioning downtown in an actual interrogation room. I do not sell drugs. I do not run hookers out of my house. If I was going to go for easy ways to make money, why in the hell would I bust my ass working 20+ hours of overtime a week???? I exhausted myself for my workplace and now I am having to jump through hoops to keep my job. Everytime someone speaks, all I hear is "yada yada crap". I love my job, but sometimes I have no idea why I put up with the abuse that I do. Jobs in nursing are a dime a dozen. I know that wherever I go, I will have a job.
I also just want to add that I love Big Brother 7. I finally got the gumption to watch the episode where James Rhine got evicted because I knew that it would upset me. I don't like to see good players lose. At anything. Just like Rob and Amber on the Amazing Race. They were masters on that race and they didn't win. To me, that's a shame. Back to BB7. James is awesome. I like the sneaky players. To me, that's smart. (It's called a back-up plan people.) James keeps getting evicted because he's a good player who always keeps his eye on the prize. For two seasons, that has been his downfall. I can admit that Dr. Will is good as well and that he'll probably win. Now all my hopes rest with Janey! Take it home for BB6. Go Janey!!!

And even though I want to stop...
I'm really trying to get myself on some kind of normal schedule. I think that I'm suceeding in that I'm not disciplining myself as much as I need to as far as studying goes. I had my first test yesterday and I'm sure that I got a B but not an A. Live and learn....
My honey and I have been living out of a hotel this week, trying to get the new bathrooms finished. That was fun. I love hotels. You can do what you want and you don't have to look at the mess that is your house or your room or whatever. And except for my computer and my dog, I missed nothing. (Don't say anything about the dog, it'll ruin my reputation.) But now we're back at home. My dishwasher works. No shower yet. I can always wash my hair in the kitchen sink. I'm just trying to find time to do everything that I want. Right now, I just want to take 5 days and get my house organized and school caught up and everything perfect. But we all know, that won't happen.
I'm even two episodes behind on Big Brother. I know because of text messages that my favorite player, James is gone from the game. Which is a shame because that stupid Chicken man is still in the house. Maybe Janey with all of her stupid decisions, will still win. At this point, I'm cheering for her because I still want the sovs to win, since they were robbed by the nerd herd last year. Go Janey!!!!

Woke up this morning...
I can hear the Sopranos theme song going through my head as I type. And when I say the Sopranos theme song, I only mean the part that plays on my phone because I don't actually watch the Sopranos. Although I think I would if I had time and HBO. Anyway, I downloaded that song to my phone because of work. Often I have felt when I walk into that building that I'm being sucked into a vacuum, with no way to get out except to wait out my time limit of being there. (And I have gone over that before.) But I went to work tonight. I really didn't want to go. I felt like crap and like I was going to blow chunks any second. But being the consummate pro that I am, I walked into that building on time for a loooong four hour shift. I was even a few minutes early. Good for me.
Of course, the recurring theme in my life right now is that I have to watch my mouth. Not because I cuss toooo much (which I do) but because I have to learn to hold my tongue and work with people who "I might not like, but have to learn to live with". I'm just a brutally honest person. If I can say what I need to say in a subtle manner, I may choose that route. Often people are way too oblivious (read: stupid) to get subtle. So I have to come right out and say "You're annoying. Go away from the area in which I work." I don't want to be the mean girl in my class, and I don't think I'm the meanest one. I'm the one who's the most honest. But I am pretty mean too.
The point of this story is my charge nurse, whom I love dearly, is reminding me everyday that I need to watch what I say. And I understand where she's coming from. She thinks a little like me. She's even told me some things (in confidence) that make me proud of her. But she has worked in that building for 25 years. And to me, that's a rut. I would hate to be stuck in one place that long. Job security is nice and all, but come on. Boring. Maybe I need to explain the Sopranos theme song to her and see what she thinks.

There are good things that come...
Remember how you used to be told that there are good things that come to those who wait? What a load of crap that our parents told us to teach us patience. There are good things that come to those who go out and get it. I don't mean go rob a liquor store. I mean you go out, work your ass off everyday in a job that you may or may not be happy in (hopefully you are) in order to help pay for what you want. If you want a roof over your head, work for it. If you want to help pay for a Porshe, work for it. (Maybe twenty hours a day, but you'll have your Porshe) If you want to succeed in nursing school, work for it.
There are a couple of people in my class that, well, I can't figure out why they are there. Take the annoying chick in the second row. She's like fresh out of high school. She writes all over everything she owns, including her car, which really pisses me off for some reason. I think I figured out why. It shows a complete lack of maturity. She shows a complete lack of maturity. When a person is done with this program, they are expected to be able to charge a unit in a long term care facility. (Which is where I work and hopefully will when I get done.) I'm about 10 years older than this chick right now. And if I wasn't in this program and I was still a med tech on the floor, I wouldn't listen to her. And I would hate to see what she does to one of my old people. I just don't hink she's gonna know her stuff.
Then there's the lady with the fuzzy hair. Ugh!!!! (Poor Amber who has to sit next to her for three more weeks.) She's just a couple of nuggets short of a happy meal. She talks to me like I care, which amuses me because I don't. (I don't hide my contempt of people well. Not like Shanda, she's a champ.) She said that she did web design in her previous job. I really want to tell her not to give up her day job. And to see if twigs stay in her hair. Maybe if we look hard enough, there will be eggs that hatch one day and we'll know why she has to style it like that.
But that's enough mean for today. No wait, one more thing... I kinda wish for a 2 year LPN program for these people. Because the only way that they are going to have to take this course again is if they fail their boards more than 3 times in one year. (I think) Maybe THAT'S what I should pray for at night instead of patience.

Wading a little deeper each day...
I'm getting more and more into this blogging thing. Maybe I do have a little geek in me. Or my boyfriend is rubbing off on me. That's gotta be it.
I branched out in my class today. I'm very proud of me. I did tell the girls that I'm mean and sarcastic. They didn't beleive me. Then I said, "No seriously. I'm a huge bitch." They kind of laughed it off, but we will be in the same class for a year and I'm sure as anything that they'll see it before the year is up. I'm sure everyone will see each other's bitchy streaks. Including the guy in the second row. All of our estrogen is going to affect him. I can see it now.
So now I'm off to find a new book to read and hopefully to do some working out. That is my goal. To start working out after I get out of school. For at least thirty minutes a day. So that I can find the thin girl that I smothered so long ago with all this fat.

Happy Birthday to my honey...
Not the one that I live with everyday, but my husband, Mr. Ben Affleck. Yes, I realize that he's married, but it was only right. They have a child together. And we don't. So I completely approve of Ben and Jennifer. (Garner not Lopez. It was a happy day for America when Bennifer disbanded) Now, I know that I'm not really married to Ben Affleck, but I would be, if he ever showed up on my doorstep. So, fear not, I'm not crazy.
In all seriousness, I think my LPN class suffered it's first casualty. So now we're down to 25. I really do sit there and wonder who's going to make it through that class. I have no doubts about me, concieted as this sounds, because I'm smart, get things quickly and have a great support system behind me. But I can see other people struggling already. And it's only week 2. 49 more to go. Maybe the annoying girl in the second row will be next.

This is a new thing for me...
Thanks to Judy, I'm trying something new today. Instead of studying, which is what I'm supposed to be doing, I'm taking a few minutes and catching up with the net. One of the spots I watch is Judy's blog (shameless plug for a friend) www.judysjourneys.blogspot.com. She had a fun quiz on there about being a lady... which I found out, I'm not. There were a few I LOVED the results of. I am attempting html for the first time and I hope it works. Even if it is cut and paste html. Here goes....
The question was... Which superhero are you?

You Are Elektra

There's really no superhero with more style than you.Because who could beat being sexy assasin ninja?

What Superhero Are You?

I can totally handle being Elektra. After all, she is married to my honey Ben Affleck. Not really a quiz here... but I put in my name and out popped my porn star name. Kinda proves the other theories wrong.

Your Porn Star Name Is...

Glory Hole

What's" Your Porn Star Name?

Okay... I love the city. And which one am I most like? Not Chicago, which I am completely in love with or Washington D.C., the capital of our beloved country where all major decisions that affect this country should happen but... Austin??

You Are Austin

A little bit country, a little bit rock and roll.You're totally weird and very proud of it.Artistic and freaky, you still seem to fit in... in your own strange way. Famous Austin residents: Lance Armstrong, Sandra Bullock, Andy Roddick

What American City Are You?

That's not to say, ladies and gentlemen, that there wasn't a complete misfire. I was so excited to see the quiz Which American President are you most like? I saw JFK or Bill Clinton in my mind. This is what I got. I am almost ashamed to put this up, but I'm among friends here... Right?

You Are Most Like George W. Bush

So what if you're not exactly popular? You still rule the free world.And while you may be quite conservative now, you knew how to party back in the day!

What Modern US President Are You Most Like?

George W. Bush?? The puppet most responsible for making our country as conflicted and divided as it has ever been? I'm sure that when history repeats itself on this era, another Republican will be in power. Since I revealed that all on my own, it shouldn't hurt my chances of one day supporting the great democratic minds of the United States get into office should it? I hope not. One final quiz to sew everything up about me... Wait for it...
Scroll down for it...
Dum-da-da-dum

Your Political Profile:

Overall: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Social Issues: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 75% Conservative, 25% Liberal

How Liberal Or Conservative Are You?

I am proud to say, that while I am conflicted on a couple of things, I am most assuredly Liberal. Thank God.

It's all coming together... I think...
This past Monday I started school. I feel like I've found a niche. I think that I can completely thrive in the career path that I've chosen with some carefully guided turns. I think that I've been destined for a career taking care of people my whole life. While I never considered becoming a nurse when I was young, I did consider being a doctor. Then I discovered that I'm not real hip on science. So went out the window. But nursing... I really feel at home in that field.
Except, kinda not at home in my class. Everytime I walk into that classroom, I feel a sense of abandonment. I can't help it. Nothing has really been the same in my life since my birthday and I can't help that either.
I find myself being very guarded with others. Even those that are supposed to be the closest to me. All this really crazy stuff has happened to me in the last month and I feel like there's only one person that I have been able to share it all with. (Besides my boyfriend, who's been as wonderful as he knows how.) And I don't get a lot of time to talk to her or don't really know if I can tell her everything because she's preoccupied with her life as well and I don't want to make things worse.
The reason she's the only one is she's never hurt me. Because there's this thing that happens to me when I get hurt. My heart closes off a piece at a time everytime I get hurt so by the time something really huge happens, the relationship is irreparable because I'm not willing to put myself out there enough for it to be the same. That may be the single biggest flaw that I have. I cannot forgive and forget. I can understand reasoning, but I don't forgive. And I never forget. That's probably the single biggest reason I don't have a lot of friends.
I guess I'll just have to keep moving, because I honestly don't know any other way of dealing with all the crap that I'm facing right now. And the only thing that I'm sure of in this life right at this moment is that I want to find success at what I'm doing. Maybe then, the other stuff will fall into place.