I'm spending my time...
Watching the days go by. Not really, they're speding by too fast for me. The days go so quickly while in nursing school. I guess that's because my weeks are marked with tests and chapters to read and study. only two tests this week. I'm kind of excited. I took one today and got an A. I have noooo clue how. I really thought that I bombed this test. But I pulled an A... out of my ass. So...
I'm dealing with unresolved issues this week. I have some unresolved anger. A lot of unresolved anger. It burns me that I have to be the one to make most of the adjustments in my relationships. I remember that about my best friends. I love him dearly, in all kinds of ways, but I was the one who made the adjustments, when we were dating, when we were friends, and when we were friends with benefits. Now I'm having to do that again.
I'm the one who got left. I'm not the one who decided to screw my friend, my sister, over. I'm the one who got screwed. But I have to hear how my exsistence makes her miserable, on my special day no less, and I'm the one who gets screwed personally and professionally. I'm the one who has to make the excuses at work and at school and with my family. One of whom is my brother, who I esentially put on the back burner, to have her in my life. But none of that counts. Apparently I'm not her sister anymore. And that's what hurts the most. Everything else about this fight kind of pales in comparison. When I got screwed, my sister wasn't there to make it better. My loving boyfriend, now my fiance, was there and other people were there. But not the person who promised to be there.
I guess that's really what I have to deal with.
Watching the days go by. Not really, they're speding by too fast for me. The days go so quickly while in nursing school. I guess that's because my weeks are marked with tests and chapters to read and study. only two tests this week. I'm kind of excited. I took one today and got an A. I have noooo clue how. I really thought that I bombed this test. But I pulled an A... out of my ass. So...
I'm dealing with unresolved issues this week. I have some unresolved anger. A lot of unresolved anger. It burns me that I have to be the one to make most of the adjustments in my relationships. I remember that about my best friends. I love him dearly, in all kinds of ways, but I was the one who made the adjustments, when we were dating, when we were friends, and when we were friends with benefits. Now I'm having to do that again.
I'm the one who got left. I'm not the one who decided to screw my friend, my sister, over. I'm the one who got screwed. But I have to hear how my exsistence makes her miserable, on my special day no less, and I'm the one who gets screwed personally and professionally. I'm the one who has to make the excuses at work and at school and with my family. One of whom is my brother, who I esentially put on the back burner, to have her in my life. But none of that counts. Apparently I'm not her sister anymore. And that's what hurts the most. Everything else about this fight kind of pales in comparison. When I got screwed, my sister wasn't there to make it better. My loving boyfriend, now my fiance, was there and other people were there. But not the person who promised to be there.
I guess that's really what I have to deal with.
posted by Callie @ 9:56 PM
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