A Sweeping Change...
Things are definitely changing here in the house. Getting some good news instead of crappy news is a big step. Yesterday I finished my summer semester of classes. I had to fight for it, tooth and nail, but I got a B in Anatomy. A B!!!!!!! And I think, unless I bombed everything I did last night, that I have an A in English. That makes my GPA for this semester a whopping 3.42 for this semester. 3.42!!!!!!! There is definitely a celebration called for. Something with balloons and flowers that definitely fits the princess that I am. So things are changing. That makes me feel a little less stressed for the coming weeks.

Broken
The last two days have been filled with lots of tears in my house. I was supposed to be happy and spoiled and pampered because it was my birthday and I was convinced that the two people who loved me most that didn't give birth to me would commemorate the occasion accordingly. NO. That is not what happened. Instead I get the news that the life that I live is miserable for other people in it and they are leaving. One person, anyway. the one person who, after my car wreak, I had come to depend on to give me memory and stability. In all fairness, she is the reason that I have the life that I do. But it's miserable for her here. So I have been crying. A lot. I'm surprised that there is anything left to come out.

So now because this person who means so much to me hates my life, I find myself examining it closely. Is it boring? Am I boring? I don't drink excessively or do drugs, so there is nothing illegal. I know I work myself to the bone, but I make time when it's important. I just want to know what it is that is so wrong here that other people can't find happiness.

Yesterday she broke me with this news and today I tell her that before she leaves I want her to fix it. That is what would make us okay before she left. Then I went to work for three hours because I had to. I came home, hoping that there would be something good in this house to come home to. Wrong again. She's leaving today, instead of in two weeks. So when I had just gotten adjusted to the leaving, she pulls everything out from under me again. There is some hope though, when she offers to stay those two weeks. I wouldn't tell her that yes, I wanted her to stay for that short amount of time because I thought that would help everything and we could fix things before she left. Denied once again.

She left anyway. So now I'm broken and she won't fix it. And I'm not sure how to.

The light at the end of the tunnel...

I got some sleep. Most people, not too excited to go to their beds without some sort of incentive like cuddling or sex. Me, I'M ESTATIC!!! Especially when I can get more than 4 hours of sleep at a time. I had to skip class and a test to do it, but that was make-upable. The lack of sleep was about to kill me or make me kill someone else. I also found out that while I'm not doing so hot in my Anatomy class I'm excelling in my English class. And it bores me to tears. I actually learned the "i before e except after c" rule. In a college class!!! I'm so glad the government is getting its money's worth paying for my education.
Also, heard from person #1 on my list of people that I've contacted. That, my friends, makes me four out of Four. Maybe I wasn't such a horrible person. I also, for the first time in a long time, cracked open my Bible. Yes, my Bible. I can honestly say that I'm sure that no one here in the city of Moberly knows I own one, with the exception of my BF and my BFF because they live with me and have seen it on my bookshelf.
So, my spirits are lifted and I'm finding out that I'm not killing myself for nothing. There is light at the end of the tunnel.And people do like me, they really do like me.

I'm sick of the...

I'm not exactly sure what goes in that blank, but I can honestly say that EVERYTHING is getting to me right now. I know that people think that it's just going to get worse in nursing school and it is because I will be in class more and working less. But I will be in class more and working less!! And let's face it, I'm a geek who loves to learn. (As long as it isn't physics) And I think that a lot of my stress comes from the fact that I'm waiting for school to start. I want to get this year from hell over with so that I can get on with my life. Everything hinges on the next 13 months. Thst doesn't really scare me, but I'm sure that it terrifies some. Yet if I'm working less, there won't be as much money... for the next 13 months. That's going to hurt a little. But I can get through that.
I know I'm sick of everyone telling me that I'm crazy to keep working full time while I'm in school. Yes, I know most people can't handle it. But I'm not most people. I just need to get a system down and that, so far, has been impossible. I know I'm sick of people who criticise the choices that I make in my life.
And I'm downright sick of feeling so negative all the time right now. I'm trying to be positive and turn that leaf over in my life, but I feel like all the leaves are dead and that there isn't going to be a new leaf. I guess I just need to get started looking through a new pile of leaves.