Broken
The last two days have been filled with lots of tears in my house. I was supposed to be happy and spoiled and pampered because it was my birthday and I was convinced that the two people who loved me most that didn't give birth to me would commemorate the occasion accordingly. NO. That is not what happened. Instead I get the news that the life that I live is miserable for other people in it and they are leaving. One person, anyway. the one person who, after my car wreak, I had come to depend on to give me memory and stability. In all fairness, she is the reason that I have the life that I do. But it's miserable for her here. So I have been crying. A lot. I'm surprised that there is anything left to come out.

So now because this person who means so much to me hates my life, I find myself examining it closely. Is it boring? Am I boring? I don't drink excessively or do drugs, so there is nothing illegal. I know I work myself to the bone, but I make time when it's important. I just want to know what it is that is so wrong here that other people can't find happiness.

Yesterday she broke me with this news and today I tell her that before she leaves I want her to fix it. That is what would make us okay before she left. Then I went to work for three hours because I had to. I came home, hoping that there would be something good in this house to come home to. Wrong again. She's leaving today, instead of in two weeks. So when I had just gotten adjusted to the leaving, she pulls everything out from under me again. There is some hope though, when she offers to stay those two weeks. I wouldn't tell her that yes, I wanted her to stay for that short amount of time because I thought that would help everything and we could fix things before she left. Denied once again.

She left anyway. So now I'm broken and she won't fix it. And I'm not sure how to.